


Angels Aren't Supposed to Cry

by AngelBonez



Series: SPN One Shots [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, Castiel Feels (Supernatural), Castiel is in love, Coming Out, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Gentle Kissing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Little Spoon Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Season/Series 12, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24032950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelBonez/pseuds/AngelBonez
Summary: Castiel finally comes to terms with feelings after he thinks it's too late - but then Dean comes back, He comes back and is alive and very not dead. He doesn't hesitate to try to articulate his feelings to Dean this time around."He inhaled deeply before forcing the breath through his nose. He turned his gaze to Dean. Dean watched him closely, his eyes intense and filled with a deep worry that made Castiel shift. His eyes settled on the freckles on Dean's cheek bones. Castiel's eyebrows were pulled tightly together as he stuttered, "I -" He pressed his lips together and blew air out of his nose, diverting his gaze again as he shook his head, "Dean, I thought you were dead.""
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: SPN One Shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735765
Comments: 11
Kudos: 184





	Angels Aren't Supposed to Cry

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during season 12 episode 1 and 2. I apologize if my reference to 1980's history is even slightly inaccurate. Also, Meg and Castiel never kissed in the timeline of this story.

Castiel stood in front of a blonde woman while being held at gunpoint. His voice was rough as he demanded, "Who are you and where is Sam?" He didn't have time for this. He didn't have time for _another_ mystery woman to show up in the Winchester's bunker - one of whom just died to save the planet, heaven, and even _hell_. 

"Hands - _now_ ," she spat back as she pulled back the trigger. Castiel really didn't have time for this. Sam was missing. Dean was dead. There's blood on the floor. Some weird blonde woman with an accent cast him out three hours away where he hurled into the ground like a meteorite, and now some _different_ blonde woman is pointing a revolver at his chest. 

_He didn't have time-_

Dean stepped into the room at just the right moment and shouted with one hand out, " _Woah_ woah woah woah woah! It's okay! It's okay." He stepped forward and hastily put his hand on the gun to lower its aim from Castiel as he added, "He's a friend, alright." Dean turned to Castiel almost out of breath as he spoke, "Hey, Cas." _What a sight for sore eyes_ , he thought to himself. 

"Dean!" Castiel exclaimed before immediately engulfing Dean in a tight hug. There was no hesitation to his actions, no thoughts or pondering on whether his eyes were betraying him with images of Dean or not. He felt Dean's back, his fingers gripping into his jacket because he was there _alive_ and breathing and Castiel could cry right now because _Dean isn't dead._

"Hey - okay," Dean's voice was a hushed whisper as he patted his hands on Castiel's back. He could feel the press of Castiel's palms into his back, the way his fingers curled into the fabric, sending warm tingles through his spine as he felt welcomed home. "Okay… alright," Dean smiled softly as he murmured. Castiel almost exploded with relief as he squeezed Dean. The stubble of his jaw scratched Dean's ear as he pressed himself close, inhaling Dean's scent before sighing deeply. He didn't want to let go.

The blonde woman tilted her head as she watched the interaction, eyeing the two. Castiel could feel her gaze upon them so he squeezed Dean once more before pulling away, his grip still on Dean's elbows as he gasped out in delay, "Dean? You're _alive?_ " Castiel had so many questions as his face twisted with confusion. 

"Yeah," Dean sighed as he spoke out of relief, a light smile dancing on his lips as if he too didn't expect the outcome.

"What about the - _bomb_ and the darkness? Amara -" Castiel babbled, his eyebrows pulled together as he tilted his head, peering at Dean with eyes full of questions, "What _happened_?" His eyes searched Dean's face for answers - anything that could explain how the Earth was still spinning and Dean was still here and not blown to atoms somewhere.

"I'll tell you everything later - where is Sam?" Dean asked, his eyebrows curled with worry. He gets back from his presumed death and his brother is missing and there's blood everywhere - it's so _typical_ for one problem to finally resolve and then another problem to pop up. Dean internally grumbled. Just _one_ break. One break is all he asks for.

"He's not here," Castiel responded immediately before looking around the bunker almost frantically. He was frustrated as his eyes darted around the dimly lit room. _He and Sam had just gotten back after a very emotional departure from what they assumed to be Dean's demise. Sam's eyes were wet with pain as he drove them back to the bunker in the cool air of the early morning. They sat in solemn silence, Castiel's being aching. He couldn't succumb to the very human emotions he was feeling because Sam needed Castiel to be there for him, to comfort him, and to be his family. He remembers reaching out and squeezing Sam's shoulder while they sat in the Impala. Sam's hands shook as he pulled the keys out of the ignition. He finally broke down next to the angel after a long drive of strained silence. Castiel frowned and his eyebrows turned up with gentle empathy as he watched Sam curl into himself, his head bumping on the steering wheel as tears dripped onto his pants. Sam shook and whimpered and sobbed and it was the horrible ugly crying that Castiel still didn't really know how to handle yet, but he still tried his best as he scooted closer, dropping a hand onto Sam's back and hesitantly rubbing light circles into his skin as he murmured, "I'm so sorry, Sam."_

"Are you a hunter?" The blonde woman inquired with a mix of curiosity and confusion as she looked at Castiel, pulling him from the miserable memory. Castiel blinked.

"No, I'm an Angel."

"He's an Angel." Dean spoke in unison with Castiel. 

"Come again?" Mary asked dumbfounded as she looked to Dean with shock. Castiel was too distracted to give the angel talk right now.

Dean looked to her as he explained "An Angel, with a capital A," Dean paused and Castiel peered at him, "yanno wings, halo," He gestured vaguely, " harp -" 

"No, I don't have a harp," Castiel objected sharply as he turned his gaze to the woman. He swallowed. He wanted nothing more than to cram Dean back into his arms, to feel his heartbeat and know he's there alive and breathing.

"This is Castiel," Dean gestured to Castiel. Castiel's eyebrows were still dipped down as he flickered his eyes to Dean. He rarely heard his full name come from Dean. He grew fond of the shortened version of his name rather quickly around the Winchesters, so he never bothered to correct them. Dean turned to look at the angel in question. "Cas, this is Mary... Mary _Winchester_." 

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed deeper before he muttered as he turned to Mary in wonder, "Your mother?" This was not humanly _possible_ , perhaps _Godly_ possible - 

Dean nodded, his mind set on only one thing at the moment, "Yeah. So, wait - where is Sam? He's not answering his phone, there's blood on the floor," Dean openly worried as he gestured in the direction of the small pools of blood. 

"I don't know, " Castiel answered with exasperation. He felt tired which was rare for an angel but _he felt tired_ and _confused_. He was ready for a full explanation from Dean Right Now but he knew they had to save Sam first. "We came back here, " He too turned to look at the blood before turning back to Dean, "There was a woman waiting for us, she blasted me away. I don't know who she was - I don't know what happened to Sam." 

"I don’t understand- what happened?" Mary piped in as if she hadn’t just heard Castiel say he didn’t know.

"The bunker's empty, so - so they obviously left here. You said a _woman_ \- not an angel not a demon, a _human_." Dean listed off, the gears in his mind turning. He'll be dammed if a human person harms his brother permanently. 

"She was human." Castiel confirmed.

"When did this go down?" Dean asked as he turned before pulling out a chair and opening up his laptop. 

"Two twelve am," Castiel replied as he watched Dean. 

"Is that a - a computer?" Mary asked in bewilderment.

"Yes. I don't trust them," answered Castiel. Mary glanced at Castiel; her eyebrows arched up slightly. He shifted under her gaze. He wasn't prepared to have to deal with gaining another person's trust. 

After looking through traffic cams and finding a car that ran a red light, they decided it was worth a shot at finding Sam and they followed the lead.

\---

"This must be… difficult for you," mumbled Castiel after he reached out to hand Mary a cup of coffee. He set one aside for Dean before he took a seat across from her and shared "I remember my first moments on Earth. It's jarring." Castiel was trying to offer some sort of comfort. He was also trying to get some insight into Mary's mind and how she works.

Mary sighed as she looked down at the coffee cup, "That's one word for it." She paused before continuing, "I grew up with hunters. I heard of people coming back from the dead before - but actually do it? After thirty years? A lot's changed."

Her statement was excruciatingly true. Castiel knew she was in heaven, so for her to suddenly be on Earth away from paradise was probably bemusing for her. It had to be God - _Chuck_ \- who brought her back, but even that idea seemed farfetched in the back of his mind. Amara held the power to do so as well, but Castiel couldn't wrap his head around the _Why?_ It was very out of the ordinary - even for a Winchester - to suddenly reappear after thirty some years. 

\---

Castiel heard the Impala's low rumble and turned towards the vehicle. Dean and Mary stepped out to meet with him. Dean gestured vaguely at the house across the road as he spoke, "Where's all this warding you mentioned on the phone?" He glanced across the street at what appeared to be an abandoned house. No sigils appeared in his line of sight as he squinted at the boarded-up windows and crusty paint job.

Castiel peered at the white house as he explained, "It's cloaked. Very powerful." He turned to catch a glimpse of Mary before turning back to Dean and asking, "You brought your mother?" 

"Hello Castiel," Mary greeted a tad sarcastically, "Yes he did."

Dean made a face indicating he'd talk about it later as he turned to Castiel, his lips twitching as he squinted at him before asking, "You sure there's anyone inside?" 

"No," Castiel sighed. He added on some more details and Dean looked at the house.

"Imma go have a closer look," he said, Mary in tow. "Mom I got his." He turned to face her. He did not need to put his mother in danger the second day she got back.

Mary clicked her tongue before disagreeing, "You can keep me from driving, not from hunting."

Castiel watched the interaction. If it weren't for their current mission, today would be a beautiful day to observe the nature around them. He locked eyes with Dean as Dean silently communicated with him via his eyes, pleading he do something about Mary. Castiel sighed as he stepped next to her before chiming in, "I'm locked out by the warding. I could use the company." Which was not entirely false, but the company he preferred would be Dean or Sam - preferably both - right about now after everything. Dean tilted his head to the side, a sheepish smile on his lips as he silently apologized to the both of them before he stalked off towards the house. Castiel stood there waiting patiently as he fidgeted with the fabric of his coat.

Mary let out a deep sigh as she rolled her eyes before glancing at Castiel and mumbling, "So… You're an Angel…"

"Yes." Castiel nodded. He squinted against the bright sun as he listened to the nature sway around him. He was worried. He just got Dean back, and there Dean was walking straight into danger yet again.

Mary pursed her lips as she shifted her weight on her feet, watching after the house in the distance where her youngest supposedly was. "You're close?" She asked.

Castiel tilted his head in her direction, "Pardon?"

"You and Dean, you guys are close?" Mary asks.

Castiel's mouth parted and he took a moment to answer, not fully understanding the question because Dean wasn't anywhere near Castiel at the moment. "Uh, I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean. Dean's nowhere near me at the moment." He still struggled with some human terms and phrases. He tries not to take things literally but it can be difficult when caught off guard. He's always learning, though.

Mary's eyebrows knitted together before she elaborated, "Close, yanno like you trust each other? You're good friends and care about each other..." She trailed off expectantly.

"Oh, I care about Dean very much," Castiel replied without hesitation before adding on, "Sam as well. I would say we trust each other in vast amounts." Castiel watched as a butterfly floated over the paved road, fluttering its wings in the warm breeze. Castiel missed his wings. He missed Dean. Mary nodded as a suspicious look grew on her face. Castiel oblivious.

\---

Castiel was relieved when he finally touched his fingers gently to Sam's forehead, using his grace to heal his wounds. He brushed back Sam's hair gently as Sam offered him a grateful smile while uttering words of appreciation. These British Men of Letters were annoying. He did not care for them nor the woman who tortured Sam and beat Dean to a pulp. Mary watched in amazement as her son's wounds disappeared, a twinkle of wonder dancing behind her eyes. Castiel turned towards Dean, "Your turn."

"Nah I'm good, mom first." Dean directed as he waved his hand, wincing slightly and rubbing his jaw after speaking. Being punched with brass knuckles wasn't exactly pleasurable. There were a few nicks and bruises forming along his jaw and above his eyebrow. Castiel wanted to protest, but he stepped over to Mary. He knew better than to argue with Dean during these moments.

"This may sting," Castiel mumbled before he touched Mary’s forehead. He slouched a bit as he pulled away, his grace feeling worn out from the repeated use. 

Mary blinked her eyes open and she could tell she was as good as new. Her eyebrows rose with disbelief as she sighed, " _Wow_ , thanks Castiel." She was amazed at the creature walking among them. Castiel was an _Angel of the Lord_ , and he was here healing a couple of hunters who kill monsters for a living. He was odd and puzzling - a thing of pure fascination. 

"You're welcome," Castiel tilted his head curtly before turning towards Dean expectantly.

Dean scrunched up his nose and shook his head, "Nah man, I've had worse. Save your energy until we get back to the bunker. Speaking of which, let's hit the road." Dean pated the top of his beloved Impala. Castiel and Sam piled into the back seat leaving Mary and Dean up front. The truck Castiel drove was long forgotten as they made their drive back to the bunker. Castiel stayed silent as Sam, Dean, and Mary chatted away. Sam held a look of twinkling bewilderment in his eyes as he talked and smiled. He watched all three of the Winchesters interact and he took note of the way Mary's shifty mood melted away as she spoke in a soothing tone. He noted the way Dean seemed tense and in pain and how Sam was so eager to learn about the mother he never knew. 

\---

Castiel wandered into the bunker's kitchen. He could hear the echo of Sam's voice travel down the hall and he felt intrusive as he sat there and listened to their conversation about what Mary had missed in Sam and Dean's lives. He peered at the walls, the countertop, the coffee machine - his eyes carefully scanning every detail. This was his happy place. It was a surprisingly calm environment and he often came here to think, whether it be in his mind or in person. Castiel wandered over to the table, sitting down on the stool next to the wall. He dropped his elbows to the tabletop surface before his fingers formed a steeple. He pressed the tips of his thumbs to his chin and his pointer fingers in between his eyebrows. He could feel the etch of permanent worry lines in his skin as he closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

Dean chuckled from the other room. Tiny bursts of pain ached through his jaw and he winced slightly as he drained his beer. He could barely taste the bitter liquid, the alcohol content being not nearly strong enough to get him drunk - not that he'd want to get drunk in his mother's company just yet. He offered a smile to his brother and mother before standing up and saying, "l think I'm gonna go find Cas. My face," Dean wrinkled his nose with another wince, " _hurts_." Sam let out a snort and encouraged him to do so. Dean disappeared down the hallway. He made his way into the kitchen, his eyes falling to Castiel's hunched shoulders. He rounded the table quietly as he peered at Castiel. His body language screamed _I'm tired. I'm an Angel and I'm tired, dammit_. 

"Hello, Dean," Castiel murmured as he looked up to Dean. His hands fell down to the table as he asked, "Will you let me heal you now?" Dean let out a _tch_ , the twitching of his lips pulling at the now formed scabs on his face. Castiel raised a knowing eyebrow as he stood from his spot, hand outstretched.

"Yeah - fine. Do it," Dean muttered and closed his eyes expectantly.

Castiel reached out and gently placed his fingers on Dean's forehead, effectively erasing the wounds from his face. His grace was still a bit worn out, but he'd always heal Dean in a heartbeat. His fingers lingered as Dean blinked and muttered, "Thanks." Castiel pulled away silently. The two of them stood there for a moment. They could both hear the faint sounds of Sam's voice from somewhere in the bunker. Dean made a move to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water from the cool box which earned a surprised look from Castiel.

"Shut up. I drink water," Dean paused as he unscrewed the cap while he walked over to the front of the counter. He leant into the edge with his lower back, taking a sip before muttering, "Sometimes."

Castiel blew a soft laugh through his nose before he shook his head. "I think you mean rarely." He was not fond of Dean's diet of booze and burgers, but every time he touched Dean, he could feel that Dean was in otherwise perfect _physical_ health. His arteries were a thing of scientific wonder. 

Dean scoffed in response. He heard Mary's soft voice travel down the hallway and he was probably missing out on some family bonding or some shit but _Cas_ \- his family, too, - seemed a little off put. Dean eyed him before he stated in a blunt, yet soft tone, “You’ve been quiet ever since we got back to the bunker." 

Castiel's lips parted as he diverted his gaze to the pots that hung from the rack over the counter. He carefully slid his eyes over their details as he replied impassively, "Have I?" 

"Quieter than your usual, brooding self, yeah," Dean pointed out while gesturing towards Castiel with the water bottle. Castiel's eyes shifted again, this time to the tile plastered to the wall. He noticed how it was still in remarkable condition after being long forgotten for many years. " _Cas_ ," Dean emphasized as he set his water on the counter, "Talk to me, man."

Castiel made action to speak, opening his mouth for a moment and then shutting it. He felt stiff - _uncomfortable_. 

He inhaled deeply before forcing the breath through his nose. He turned his gaze to Dean. Dean watched him closely, his eyes intense and filled with a deep worry that made Castiel shift. His eyes settled on the freckles on Dean's cheek bones. Castiel's eyebrows were pulled tightly together as he stuttered, "I -" He pressed his lips together and blew air out of his nose, diverting his gaze again as he shook his head, "Dean, I thought you were _dead_." 

"Yeah, me too." Dean replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Castiel cupped a hand to the back of his head, rubbing his hair up and down while muttering, "That's not the point, Dean." 

Dean pushed himself away from the counter as he asked, "Then what is?" His tone was harsher than he wanted it to be but worry swelled in his gut as Castiel stood before him, shifting unpleasantly. 

Castiel felt a deep ache to his being as he muttered quietly, his words hoarse, "I… I thought this was the permanent end of Dean Winchester. I accepted what you had to do with no thought. You were saving the world, Heaven, and Hell, all at once. You, a single man."

"I had to do what I had to do. Would've done it again. Cas you know better than anyone what that feels like," Dean replied, antsy. His pulse was quickening as anxiety bumped around his rib cage.

"I understand that, yes, but -" 

"But _what_?" Dean retaliated. There was no fire behind his words.

"But..." Castiel mumbled as deep sadness swirled in his stomach and crawled up his veins, flooding the inside of his skull. "You were dead, Dean. Sam wept in my arms for you… " Castiel trailed off as he shuddered. "And when realization hit that you were actually gone -" Castiel's voice cracked as he tried to remain impassive. He felt his eyes burn with tears unexpectedly and he let out a shaky breath.

"Woah Cas," Dean said as he reached out and grabbed Castiel's shoulder. Castiel could feel his grip as he turned wet eyes towards Dean, shocking him as Dean watched a tear trickle out of the corner of Castiel's eye. "You're _crying?_ " Dean sputtered in confusion and his heart began to ache at the clear _hurt_ written across his angel's face.

Castiel blinked before muttering, "I feel -" He brought his hands up to tug on his hair as confusion swept over his face. "I _feel_ -" He was ignorant to the wet streams on his face as he peered at Dean with longing, wanting nothing more than to hold Dean and never let him go again. Never let him sacrifice himself again. Never let him walk into danger again. "I don't know," whispered Castiel as he dropped his hands to his sides. It wasn't like he hasn't felt dread, or pain, or even happiness, but he was an angel, nevertheless. Even if he was human once, that didn't suddenly make him master of Feelings and How to Express Them.

"Okay," Dean muttered and swallowed before gingery wrapping his arms around Castiel's shoulders as he reassured, "Okay. Cas, It's _alright_ , I'm here now. That's all that matters." Dean wasn't exactly King of Expression either, but he knew Castiel was hurting and that hurt _him_. It only now crossed his mind that his family thought he was gone, forever, and they had to deal with that. Dean silently coaxed Castiel to hug him back as he pulled his form closer. Castiel was hesitant as he breathed through his nose. A small muffled whimper shook his body unexpectedly as he slowly wrapped his arms around Dean's middle before pressing his chest against Dean's and nuzzling his nose into Dean's cheek. Castiel let out a shaky breath as his grip tightened. "Cas, I'm here buddy," Dean murmured as he began to rub soothing circles into Castiel's back, only making him squeeze his eyes shut and - _Oh_ \- he _was_ crying.

The rough fabric of Castiel's trench coat created a soft frictional heat, and Dean could feel Castiel's shudders under his touch. He could also feel the dampness of the angel's tears on his cheek, and Dean's heart wretched with a pain so intense as guilt began to swell inside him. As a result, Dean squeezed Castiel harder, pressing closer, because _Angels aren't supposed to cry_. Warmth spread through Castiel's body as Dean murmured sweetly in his ear and he could feel every spot where Dean was touching him so _gently_ and careful. He felt his body melt into Dean's arms as he reassured Castiel, "I'm here… It's okay." Dean's breath was hot and it tickled Castiel's ear as he murmured, "It's okay, we're okay. I'm here…" 

"I thought -" Castiel hiccupped as he pulled away, his hands gripping Dean's biceps as he tilted his eyes up slightly to meet Dean's. "I … never wanted to accept that you were _dead_ , Dean - never in a million millennia - " Castiel paused and swallowed his tongue. He felt like a mess. He felt like he was breaking apart and the only thing holding him together was Dean's strong grasp.

"Hey- _Hey_ , don’t cry," Dean murmured weakly. His voice sounded watery as he reached out to cup Castiel's cheek before gently brushing his thumb under his eye to wipe away the tears. Dean made such an effort to keep his touch as soft as possible. This probably was the first time Castiel has ever cried. Dean felt like his heart was breaking at this sight of a literal angelic being sniveling helplessly in his arms.

"I'm sorry," Castiel whispered. His heart hurt and Dean's hands felt so gentle against his skin and he was melting into a puddle on the floor as he _felt_ _feelings_ in overwhelming amounts.

"What?" Dean's voice came out in sharp surprise, startling Castiel slightly as he brought his other hand up to cup the other side of Castiel's cheek. He peered directly into Castiel's eyes as he said, "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. Absolutely nothin', Cas." And he was _absolutely_ right. Dean wanted to punch every single person, demon, angel, or entity for making him feel this way. Hell, he wanted to punch _himself_ for making Castiel feel this way.

"Dean?" Castiel asked quietly, worry etched into his features because a single tear escaped Dean's eye. Dean blinked and now he was crying out of anger as Castiel looked up at him with those eyes that are such a piercing blue. Dean shuddered. Now it was Castiel who was wiping _his_ tears as he spoke softly, "You're upset." 

Dean scoffed as he dropped his hands from Castiel's face, "Of course I'm upset." Castiel rested his hand on the side of Dean's neck, his fingers curling onto to the back of Dean's neck where he could feel the small hairs there. His thumb remained resting just under the edge of Dean's jaw. 

Castiel tilted his head, his cheeks now flushed and his eyes tired as he asked softly, "Why?" He rubbed his thumb over Dean's jaw absent mindedly as he waited for a response. Slowly, his heart calmed and his grace stopped screaming in guilty pain as he realized it was his actions that brought Dean to tears.

"Makin' you feel that way…" Dean trailed off as he lowered his gaze. "I would still do what I had to do to _save_ the _world_ , but," 

"But?" Castiel echoed back quietly as he felt the tiny hairs at the back of Dean's neck, the area foreign to him. 

Dean shook his head as he brought a hand up over his mouth, muttering into his palm, "I don't know, Cas." He felt vulnerable and _really_ tired suddenly. He wanted to sleep for a week and watch stupid movies and eat shitty junk food with his family and not have to worry about anything - not worry about making angels cry.

"Dean, I care about you..." Castiel mumbled as he used his free hand to grab the hand that was covering Dean's mouth. He pulled Dean close, resting his forehead against Dean's. Castiel could feel the wrinkle of Dean's eyebrows and their breaths mingled and their noses were almost touching as he squeezed Dean's stiff hand in between them. "I have always cared about you, Dean Winchester, but my…" Castiel paused, swallowing. Dean waited patiently, too afraid to move and break whatever bonding moment they were sharing as he felt the warmth of Castiel's breath. "... _feelings…_ became more apparent to me when I thought I lost you… forever." Castiel pulled away and blinked open his eyes, Dean doing the same. They were so close as Castiel whispered, "I _love_ you, Dean Winchester." Dean's heart would have exploded if that was physically possible. Suddenly his body was ten degrees warmer and his heart was beating a mile a minute and he didn't know what to say as Castiel peered at him with those droopy puppy eyes he's loved from the very first second he saw them. "My love for you is endless," Castiel added on as an afterthought, "even if it's disobedient in the eyes of other angels." It was blasphemy, actually, to love a human the way he does. To love God's creation was one thing - to be _in_ love with God's creation - a whole different story entirely.

Dean sputtered, "I -" He licked his lips and he felt his cheeks warm up and he was fucking blushing. "I - you- ah -" A love confession was the last thing he ever expected from Castiel. 

Castiel could feel Dean's pulse where his hand lay on Dean's neck, and he couldn't help the fond smile that tugged on his lips. "You don't have to say anything, Dean, but I wanted you to know," Castiel murmured, feeling warm and content to finally say those words. 

Dean's eyes flickered around the room and then back to Castiel's eyes, his nose, his lips. Dean's mouth parted and his heart was slamming against his rib cage as if it were cheering him on despite any consequences that may follow because even though Castiel said _I love you_ didn't mean anything and Castiel was a guy and an angel and Dean was pressing his lips hastily onto the angel's before his mind could tell his body to stop. The kiss was sloppy and nervous and Castiel has never kissed anyone before but it was still absolutely adorable as Dean felt Castiel press into him with a smile. Castiel's lips were chapped and his stubble was itchy and kissing a man was weirdly more awesome than Dean imagined. Castiel chuckled into the kiss, his smile growing so wide Dean had to pull away, his own lips curling into a bashful smile. Castiel felt good. He felt warm and welcomed as Dean stuttered out, "Me too - Me too, Cas." Dean hastily wrapped his arms around Castiel, scooping him up and squeezing him and pressing a kiss to his temple as Castiel wrapped careful arms around his middle, his laugh content and angelic as Dean shook with pure happiness. Castiel always held Dean's heart in his grasp in a way that made him uncomfortable at first. Dean remembers the first time his stomach filled with stupid butterflies one day when they were performing mundane tasks. Castiel following Dean and helping him grocery shop while pulling cans from the shelves and reading off the labels, telling Dean _That's not the healthiest choic_ e and Dean ignoring him saying it _tastes too good_ and - yeah. Dean noticed he became rather fond of the angel throughout the years. His fondness grew into a love he's never felt before with anyone else. Not Lisa, not any of the chicks he's ever been with. It was hard to accept, but in those rare moments that Castiel would look at him with those curious eyes or ask him the simplest questions made Dean internally swoon. Somewhere along the way they both developed a devote bond to one another, unassuming of the other's feelings. Both man and angel struggled internally but if it was so wrong then God would have done something by now. Chuck couldn’t care less though. God has had boyfriends and girlfriends and experienced human love. The only person who would know this is dead, though. 

They stood there in the middle of the kitchen wrapped around each other so tightly, neither of them wanting to let go as they drifted through their own little happy world. They were oblivious to the light footsteps coming from the hallway and eventually pausing in the doorframe. "Oh - uh… Am I interrupting something?" 

Mary's voice startled Dean, his grip tightening around Castiel before he glanced up to meet Mary's eyes. Castiel could feel Dean's body temperature rise considerably and his heartbeat increase as he let out a choked, "Uh -" 

Castiel uncurled from Dean to turn and look at Mary before answering, "No." The two men stood side by side. Castiel could feel Dean's anxiousness seep from his bones and he noticed how the tips of his ears were red and his eyebrows were crinkled together. "A long overdue conversation, but we're finished. Is there something you need?" Castiel asked politely as he tilted his head slightly.

"Something to drink…" Mary trailed off as she looked at Dean and then Castiel, and then back to Dean. A curious smile shadowed her mouth as she peered at the two boys.

Castiel nudged Dean with his elbow and Dean blinked out of his embarrassed trance before walking over to the fridge and chuckling nervously, "What'd ya like, mom?"

\---

A knock at Dean's door startled him. _God_ , he was jumpier than he's ever been. "What?" Dean called out from his spot at his desk.

"May I come in?" Castiel asked through the door. He stared at the Men of Letters symbol as he waited patiently for a response. 

"Yeah," Dean called from his spot at his desk. He was relieved it was Castiel, though. He missed him even if they just had dinner an hour ago. 

Castiel slowly opened the door before peeking his head in. Dean was pouring over some old photos on his desk, his one hand cradling his chin in his palm. When Dean made no objection, Castiel stepped into the room before gently closing the door behind him as he spoke, "Hello, Dean." 

Dean turned to Castiel and he retracted a bit in sleepy shock before asking, "Where's your coat?" His eyes took in Castiel's appearance. The slight slouch of his shoulders made the suit jacket crumple around his form, and his tie was hanging loosely around his neck. Castiel looked handsome.

Castiel shrugged as he stepped further into the room before sitting on the edge of Dean's bed, his hands folding neatly in his lap as he looked around Dean's room while speaking matter-of-factly, "I took it off." Castiel ran his eyes over the guns and knives hung on the walls. It was an odd way to decorate, he mused inwardly, but he was in _Dean Winchester's_ room. 

"Yeah, no shit - but … _why?_ You rarely take that thing off, man. It's a miracle you don't overheat." Dean turned to face Castiel. He rested his arm over the back of the chair as he now sat sideways, his attention focusing on the literal angel in front of him. 

Castiel scrunched up his nose. "I do _not_ overheat."

Dean rolled his eyes as a breath of laughter went through his nose, "You know what I mean, Cas." 

Castiel looked up at Dean. He squinted his eyes in thought as he spoke, "I suppose, I don't feel I need it right now?" The end of Castiel's statement came out as a question, but it was true. His coat was his armor, but he didn't need that around Dean. He tilted his head, his tone shifting as he asked, "How are you, Dean?"

Dean scratched the back of his head before asking hesitantly, "Honestly?"

Castiel nodded. "Honestly."

Dean stood from his chair as he spoke, " _Overwhelmed_." He began to pace as he elaborated, "First, I almost die to save the world, whatever - been there, done that. Then, my mother - who's been gone for _thirty_ some years is suddenly _alive_ again and - and she's a hunter and a freaking good one but-" Dean paused as he searched for words before continuing, "It's weird. It just feels weird. I'm so glad she's back but I don't know how to talk to her, I don't know how to act around her. Not to mention… _you_ ," Dean gestured to Castiel, his movement pausing and his ears heating up.

Castiel tilted his head as he spoke gently, "It's only logical for you to feel overwhelmed right now." Dean sighed out in frustration before he made his way over to Castiel, plopping next to him on the bed before taking a deep breath in and exhaling it slowly. Castiel turned his gaze onto Dean, his hands nestled in his lap as he peered at him. 

Dean rubbed his face before bending over and plopping his elbows on his knees. He buried his head in his hands as he mumbled, "I don't know Cas. It's... a lot." He pushed his fingers through his hair and a twinge of a headache pulled at the back of his skull. Everything sort of came crashing down around him while they were eating earlier. Things had finally settled down so Dean was able to mull over what had happened in the last forty-eight hours. 

Castiel felt his heart strings pull and he held a hesitant hand over Dean's back. He hovered for a minute as his thoughts wandered back to earlier. Just because he and Dean kissed doesn't mean Castiel wants to push any boundaries, especially when Dean is wearing his heart on his sleeve. Castiel gently lowered his hand and placed it in between Dean's shoulder blades, his long fingers spread wide as he rested it there. He remained still as he spoke. "I… think," Castiel began slowly, "That this experience is a bit bizarre for everyone. I know Sam is star struck, but he will soon realize what you are feeling right now." Castiel swallowed, wanting to be cautious with his words. "I know she seems different than what you remember of her from your childhood. It will take time for everyone to adjust." Castiel ended his sentence with a gentle press of his fingertips into Dean's back.

Dean remained silent for a couple of minutes, his fingers rubbing at his scalp before he finally sat up straight. Castiel's hand fell to the bed behind Dean, and he was now turned towards Dean with such intense focus that it made Dean internally squirm. He looked away, his eyes finding his shot gun on the wall as he mumbled, "Yeah." Heat bubbled in his stomach and on his cheeks as his thoughts trailed off to earlier in the kitchen where Dean kissed Castiel. 

Dean put _his_ lips on _Castiel's_ lips. 

_Ah God, what the fuck_ Dean internalized as he felt a smile tug at his lips and giddiness flow through his veins. Castiel watched curiously as Dean fought a smile and shifted slightly. Dean felt like a chick as his heart fluttered and he just wanted to press kisses all over Castiel's body and - his heart thudded loudly when he remembered Mary and the way her face twisted suspiciously at them in the kitchen and existential dread broke through the flood gates and poured through Dean's veins -

Castiel sat oblivious to Dean's thoughts. The only indications were the way his face changed emotions quickly. He leaned close, worry forming a pit in his stomach while Dean seemed lost in his thoughts. "Dean?" Castiel reached out and gingerly laid his hand on top of Dean's knee before echoing, "Dean?"

Dean's eyes came back into focus and Castiel's touch sent a tingling sensation up his leg. Dean felt a sudden urgency before he blurted, "What are we? I mean - we need to talk about the… _kiss_."

Castiel lips pursed slightly before he spoke, "I didn't mind it." He watched Dean closely before asking, "Did you?"

Dean turned towards Castiel as he spoke, "No! No. I… _Heh…_ " _If you don't remember properly, it was me who initiated the kiss_ , Dean thought to himself. 

"Then what is there to talk about?" Castiel asked, his eyes searching Dean's. "We are… here - together - are we not?"

Dean blinked. "Well - yes -"

Castiel sighed and he turned back to the wall. His gaze fluttered down to the photos of Dean and his mother when he was much younger. There was also a photo of Sam and Bobby. All fond memories. It took a moment for Castiel's brain to turn off angel mode and it clicked. He squirmed and his eyebrows crunched, "You mean, are we _together_? Together as in what the humans call… dating?" Dean hummed. Castiel dropped his gaze to his lap. He looked at his hands as he spoke, "Dean, we can be whatever you want us to be. I love you. I am d-" Castiel paused and he felt his heart flip. He rubbed his thumbs together shyly and his cheeks felt warmer than usual as he mumbled, " _devoted_... to you. If you decide you don't love me back one day, I will still remain by your side as I have always done." 

Dean felt like the butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. They fluttered up through his lungs and tickled his skin, making him feel warm and breathless as he mumbled with a stupid exasperated grin, "I'm gonna fucking puke rainbows if you keep talking like that." A brief pang of worry shot through Castiel's heart but it quickly diminished as Dean spoke, "Boyfriends - You're an Angel. Angel-friend-" 

Dean was sputtering and Castiel found it adorable. He looked at Dean, eyes crinkled with a smile as he spoke softly, "Whatever you want, Dean." He was just utterly content to know Dean was alive right now. Dean stuttering by his side was just a cute addition.

Dean literally felt like he was melting as he made an inhuman noise before muttering, "God, I feel like a chick. Um - boyfriends. Never thought I'd ever say that but-" Dean gestured. The happiness that bubbled in his gut quickly mixed with nervousness. "What's Sam gonna think - What's my _mom_ gonna think? Not that I care _but_ -" His mom lived during the early eighties. During that time there was extreme homophobia and Dean couldn't help but wonder if his own _mother_ was homophobic due to how she grew up. 

Castiel tilted his head in thought as he spoke, “I don't think Sam will mind. As for Mary…" Castiel trailed off. He knew what Dean was thinking about. The crisis during that time was truly a sad one. It made his heart ache for all the humans hurt during that period. He would never judge the humans for falling in love with each other. "I don't know, Dean." Castiel reached out for Dean. He rested an open palm on the back of Dean's shoulder as he reassured, "We can figure it out, together." He squeezed Dean's shoulder encouragingly.

Dean sighed and shook his head. He couldn't help but smile as he whispered back, "Together." He brought his hands up to his face, humming into his palms as he smushed his face up. He was giddy and nervous and just really fucking happy for once in his life and it was overwhelming. 

Dean felt the gentle prod of Castiel's fingers pull at his hands. Castiel peered at him with a soft, angelic expression as he thought out loud, "I'm not sure how to be a... _boy_ friend, but I will do my best for you." Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean's, lowering the joint unit down in between them. He slid his hand from Dean's shoulder to rest closer to Dean's neck. "You will have to teach me, of course," Castiel mused and Dean nearly spit as his cheeks grew hotter. It was endearing as Castiel watched him closely before asking, "Is that okay?" 

"Yeah," Dean breathed. This was surreal. Castiel hummed happily and he pulled Dean close, wrapping him in a one-armed hug before undoing their hands and reaching his other around Dean. Castiel crushed Dean in a hug and Castiel was nearly in Dean's lap as he laughed while pressing his cheek into Dean's shoulder. Dean patted at his arm as he muttered, "Okay, okay feathers don't get too excited." Castiel's grip loosened and he hummed as he glanced up at Dean. "Oh - You can't expect me to cuddle up to a guy dressed in slacks, Cas." 

Castiel's mouth fell open slightly before understanding washed over him. He didn't mind, he liked his attire, but if Dean was insinuating _cuddling_ , he imagined that was done in more comfortable clothing. Castiel pulled away and picked at his clothing, "I don't have anything else." 

Dean stood from the bed as he spoke, "You can borrow mine. You're like two inches shorter than me."

Castiel nodded. "An acute observation." 

Castiel pulled at his necktie and then started to finger his buttons undone as Dean fiddled with his drawers. He pulled out a cozy red t-shirt and some plaid pajamas pants. He turned to Castiel, and he had to hold his breath while he watched Castiel pull his arms from the white dress shirt ever so casually before folding it in his lap. _How was that sexy and endearing at the same time_? Dean cleared his throat as he held out the clothes, "Here. Imma go to the bathroom, be right back." Dean then stepped out of the room. Privacy was still a concept and Dean respected it even if he knew Castiel didn't give two shits. 

Castiel smiled as he pulled the shirt over his torso. The shirt was soft. It smelt like Dean – motor oil and pie and faint floral scented detergent. Castiel stood and unbuckled his belt before shimmying out of his pants and allowing them to drop to the floor. He pulled the pajamas pants up and tied them to his waist before bending down and picking up his slacks. He folded them neatly on Dean's bed, making a small pile of his folded clothes. He placed the pile on Dean's chair before hanging his tie over the back of it. He rubbed his palm over the side of his thigh absentmindedly as he peered down at the photos on Dean's desk. He gingerly picked one up, staring at the photo. Dean looked much younger in this one. Mary looked about the same. He did wonder how Mary would react to her son's relationship with him. Castiel was unsure of her feelings on the topic, but he could feel her fondness grow for the boys the more time he spent with her. _Surely…_ she could understand.

Castiel stepped backwards before falling back onto Dean's bed. He held the photo lightly, careful not to put fingerprints on it as he began to memorize every centimeter of the photograph. He didn't startle when Dean walked back into the room, and Dean was grateful Castiel was fully clothed because he didn't even knock and Dean wouldn't know how to handle himself if he walked in on even a _semi_ -naked Castiel right now. His nerves felt fried and sensitive. Castiel looked up at him and greeted him with a closed-lipped smile. Castiel's smile was lopsided and freaking adorable. "Hey, I see you found some of my memories." Dean stepped closer to peer down at the photo of him and his mother.

Castiel held it out to him as he spoke, "Yes. You look very happy in this."

Dean smiled, his eyes crinkling as he sighed, "I was." He took the photo and glanced down at it for a moment before dropping it back on his desk. He turned back to Castiel, who was peering up at him with the softest expression. Dean shifted on his feet. "Um..." he scratched the back of his head. 

"Dean, I know you're tired. If you want, I can go." Castiel stood. His expression was still lax. His eyes weren't crinkled together and his lips were drawn up into a fond smile. He looked sleepily content as he watched Dean. 

"Nah, I - I want -" Dean rubbed his face. He could hardly think and his feet hurt because his body felt like it weighed ten thousand pounds as he shifted awkwardly from one foot to the next. "I want you to stay," Dean muttered. He hummed. "I know you don't sleep but -" Dean blew air out of his nose. "Just stay?" He hesitated as Castiel tilted his head, expression still soft. "Please?" He whispered.

Castiel nodded. "Of course, Dean. Besides," While Castiel spoke Dean turned to rummage through the bottom drawer of his dresser to pull out another pillow. "I can sleep. I've grown fond of," Castiel gestured with his hand, " _resting_. I would like to sleep tonight. With you. I want to sleep with you." Dean sputtered from his spot as he turned wide eyed to Castiel. Castiel wore a bashful smile before he elaborated, "Actually sleep. _Rest_ \- I'm _tired_ , Dean." Castiel nodded to himself.

Dean's eyebrows curled together and he chuckled, "Okay." He crawled onto the left side of the full-size bed before slapping the pillow down next to his. He gestured to the right side of the bed and Castiel took the hint before rounding the bed and sitting next to Dean. He brought his legs up and tucked them under the blankets that Dean held up for him and before either of them knew it they were shoulder to shoulder in Dean's bed. They sat in silence for a while. It took every bone in Dean's body to not squirm and he felt extremely stiff as he waded through unknown waters. He was in bed with a man. He was in bed with an _angel_ \- _shit_ , this was definitely breaking every rule known to angel-kind.

Dean heard Castiel swallow before he spoke. "This is…" _awkward_. "Are you comfortable, Dean?" Dean could practically feel Castiel's eyebrows dip together, puzzled.

Dean took in a deep breath before he mumbled, "No."

"Perhaps -" Castiel was thinking out loud as he turned on his side to face Dean. 

Dean could feel Castiel's fingers ghost the bare skin on his arm. Goosebumps popped up as Castiel whispered in a broken sentence, “Cuddle now." 

Dean made a sound of weak objection as he muttered, "There's no way in Hell I'm being the _little_ spoon, Cas." 

Castiel challenged Dean with a hum. He used his palm to nudge at Dean's shoulder. "Let me…" He whispered so quietly Dean had to strain his ears to hear, " _protect you_." 

Dean scoffed, "I-I don't _need_ protection-"

" _Dean_ ," Castiel pleaded. 

Dean wanted to object. He wanted to protest because he's not some _bitch baby_ that needs _protection_ , but the sheer softness of Castiel's voice soothed him effortlessly. Dean replied with a grunt before turning on his side. His breath caught in his throat as he felt Castiel curl around him. Castiel snuck his arm under Dean's, pressing his palm onto Dean's chest as he nuzzled his nose into the back of Dean's neck. Dean could feel the hesitant, gentle movement in Castiel's limbs and he shuddered, his heart rate skyrocketing. This feeling was so unfamiliar and he was hypersensitive of the way he was breathing and how bent his knees were and how warm he was -

"I can feel your heartbeat," Castiel murmured. His eyes were closed as he felt the fast-paced rhythm of Dean's heart bump against his ribcage. 

"Sorry," Dean shifted as he whispered, his back falling snugger to Castiel’s chest.

Castiel chuckled, his breath tickling Dean's neck. "It's okay," Castiel cooed before pressing a feathery light kiss to Dean's neck, his mouth barely touching Dean's skin as he murmured, "Relax." 

The two of them molded together. Both of them slowly relaxing into each other's touch, their limbs feeling heavy with the weight of the day pressing down on them. They laid in silence for a while before Dean took a deep breath, exhaling a meek, "Thank you." Castiel hummed in response, a smile crawling onto his lips. 

Dean blinked. The light of his desk lamp was distracting and he wanted to kick himself for forgetting to shut it off. He groaned, "Cas, the light." He shifted slightly, ready to pull away from Castiel's grasp but he held Dean down.

"Don't worry about it," Castiel mumbled with a whisper as he tapped a single finger to Dean's chest. The light instantly switched off.

Dean let out a breathless, " _Oh_ \- I forgot you could -" 

Castiel hummed, "Time to rest, Dean." Castiel bumped his forehead to the back of Dean's neck, his arms squeezing Dean tight. His eyelids felt heavy, but he wouldn't allow himself to sleep until Dean was. 

Dean stifled a yawn, his eyelids finally fluttering shut. His giddiness returned and sat happily in his stomach as he blindly felt the back of Castiel's hand with his fingers. He hummed weakly as sleep pulled at the corners of his eyes. It wasn't long before Castiel felt the gentle bump of Dean's heartbeat and he smiled, snuggling as close as possible to Dean as he too allowed himself to sleep for the first time in months. 

\---

Castiel was slowly petting at Dean’s hair, pushing the small strands flat as he waited for Dean to wake up. There was no product in Dean's hair, so Castiel could freely twist and feel Dean's surprisingly soft hair as his palm rested gently behind his ear. In the middle of the night Dean turned unconsciously towards Castiel, leaving them face to face in the morning. When Dean's nose twitched slightly, a smile formed on Castiel's lips as he murmured sweetly, "Good morning." He leant forward, pressing a gentle peck to Dean's forehead.

Dean's eyes fluttered open; his hazel-green eyes unfocused in the dim light from the lamp Castiel turned back on. "Cas?" Dean mumbled, confusion lacing his sleep filled voice. He became aware of his fingers gripping at the fabric of Castiel's shirt and the way his other arm was draped snuggly over his waist. He felt his cheeks heat up as he tilted his gaze up to meet Castiel's. 

" _Dean_ ," Castiel replied with a smile.

Dean stifled a yawn, pulling away from Castiel so he could sit up with a stretch. His muscles popped and he squeaked as he flexed his fingers above his head with his arms fully outreached. He felt the bed shift and he saw Castiel sit up and rub his eyes out of his peripheral. Dean blew out a puff of laughter as he turned to Castiel, his eyebrows arching as he peered at the absolute bedhead Castiel had. Castiel squinted his eyes as he asked, "What?"

Dean snorted, "Dude, how did you even manage to get bed head that bad?" 

Castiel stuttered as he brought his hands up to smooth his hair, "I don't - Um -" 

Dean scrunched his nose as he grabbed at Castiel's hands, "Stop… 's cute." 

It was Castiel's turn to arch his eyebrows up in surprise. "Since when was the word " _cute_ " part of your vocabulary?"

"Since this," Dean mumbled. He leant forward as he cupped his hands to Castiel's cheeks before pressing a kiss to Castiel's parted lips. He felt Castiel gasp into the kiss before he hesitantly allowed his mouth to mold against Dean's. The kiss was soft as he moved his lips sweetly against Dean's, the urge to smile pulling at both of their lips. Dean hummed before he pulled away. "Since -" Dean breathed. His eyes crinkled with his toothy smile as he giggled, " _this_." 

Castiel shared his smile as Dean tackled him in a bear hug, pulling Castiel impossibly close. Dean began to play with Castiel's hair as Castiel curled his legs behind Dean, settling in his lap. Dean smoothed down the back of Castiel's hair before he gently carded his fingers through the front, brushing it back and off Castiel's forehead. Castiel's eyes shut and he hummed in content before admitting, "That feels nice." He dropped his chin to Dean's shoulder

Dean chuckled as he scratched his fingers soothingly through Castiel's hair, earning a gasp as he tickled his fingers by Castiel's ears. Castiel was practically purring as Dean played with the hairs at the back of his neck, his other hand rubbing up and down Castiel's spine. Dean could feel the slight bumps of his bones and the curvature of muscle as he ran his fingers up and down Castiel’s back. Dean's touch sent unfamiliar tingles all through Castiel's body and he was absolutely content as he hugged Dean close.

The click of Dean's door handle startled them both as Sam walked in, his eyes glued on his phone for a moment as he spoke, "Hey, we just got a call-" He paused when his eyes finally floated up to meet Deans. The scene before him was inexplicable as he looked at Dean's hand settled on the back of Castiel's neck, the other on the small of his back. 

Dean froze as he gaped at Sam. Castiel's eyebrows furrowed as he turned his gaze to Sam, his cheek resting on Dean's shoulder. Castiel's face flushed as he heard Dean stutter, "Dude - _knock_ -" 

"I - uh" Sam eyes widened as Castiel squinted at him. "I just wanted - um -" He was floundering. His big brother was cradling their angel best friend in his arms. The sheets were ruffled and he saw two pillows on Dean's bed instead of just one and _what the hell_ -

"Sam," Castiel mumbled. He squeezed Dean's middle before he uncoiled from Dean as he spoke, "What is it?"

"I - You know what - I'll come back later, Yeah - um, Bye!" Sam chattered out before quickly closing the door behind him. He stood in the hallway, his hand still gripping at Dean's door handle as he tried to process what he'd just seen.

"Sam!" Dean called out as he untangled from Castiel, stumbling out of his bed. Dean looked at Castiel and he tilted his head towards the door as he sat cross legged in the middle of Dean's bed patiently.

Dean pulled the door open and jumped slightly when he nearly ran into Sam. He grabbed his shirt and pulled Sam back into his room as Sam let out a, "Dean!" 

Dean shoved Sam into his room before shutting the door behind him. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath as Sam looked at him wide eyes. "I can explain," Dean began with his hands held out. Castiel watched them both closely as Dean spoke quickly, "Me and Cas, we weren't - we're -"

"Together." Castiel interrupted bluntly. 

Sam raised a hand to push his hair back as he muttered, "Wow - I mean _finally_ \- but _wow_ , you two - you really - in the bunker -" Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he looked from Dean to Castiel and then back to Dean.

"Sammy, we weren't having se- wait _what_?" Dean whisper-yelled as he stepped closer to Sam, " _Finally?_ What's that supposed to mean?" 

Sam pressed a breath of laughter through his nose like it was plainly clear. "Uh, I don't know. The… energy between you two…" Sam trailed off as he gestured. 

Castiel tilted his head at Sam as he mumbled, "Energy?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, like tension -"

"Woah, Okay - _Okay_ ," Dean interrupted as he cleared his throat. He patted Sam's shoulder, "That's enough. So what? You don't have a problem with -"

"No!" Sam spoke enthusiastically, "No, God. No, Dean - I _don't care_ about sexuality, never have."

Dean took in a breath before puffing out his cheeks with a deep sigh, "Thank Jesus." He dropped onto the edge of his bed next to Castiel. Castiel smiled up at Sam, Sam retuning the smile. Dean muttered, "What are we gonna tell mom?" 

"Mom?" Sam asked. His eyebrows curled together as he leant against Dean's desk. "I… don't know man." 

Dean grunted and pinched the bridge of his nose. Castiel glanced at Sam before hesitantly rubbing Dean's back as he reassured, "Remember, we will figure it out together?" 

Dean hummed before gesturing to Sam, "Well, what do you want for breakfast?" It didn't really show, but Dean was over the moon with gratefulness for his little bro Sammy accepting him so easily. 

Dean felt light and in a rather good mood as he heard Sam ask in a hopefully tone, "Pancakes?" 

Dean was damn good at making pancakes.

\---

It's been months. Castiel and Dean remained closeted because Mary hasn't really been around - not to mention all of the absolute shit the British Men of Letters were putting them through. They were murdering hunters and innocents left and right; it was exhausting for the three men and occasional woman to track them down and take them out.

It was a rare moment between cases of monsters and murderers where the boys were holed up in a dingy motel. Sometimes they tried to get separate rooms these days, but it wasn’t all horrible when they had to share a room. When they checked into the motel, the lazy cashier grumbled something about there only being one vacant room left and the three of them were absolutely wiped so they just took it without hesitation. Boundaries have been set clearly between the three of them before hand, so Sam was content. He sometimes missed sleeping in the same room as his brother when they weren’t together because it had been engraved into his mind as the everyday normal. Anyways, Sam would never get tired of waking up and seeing his brother tangled together with the angel. Finding love in this lifestyle was extremely difficult, and Dean deserved all the love Castiel could give him. Sam was one hundred percent sure that Castiel would never betray Dean. He could see it in the crinkle of his eyes when Castiel smiles at Dean and the gentleness of his touch when he thinks no one is looking. 

The familiar sound of a phone ringing cut through the air. Dean patted at his pockets before muttering with a shrug, "Not me."

Sam hummed and fished his phone from his pockets. His eyebrows curled together as he read the caller ID. "It's mom."

Dean raised his eyebrows as Sam answered the call, putting it on speaker as he answered "Hey mom. You're on speaker."

"Hey," Dean muttered. He still felt a little sour at her absence lately. Castiel looked up from where he was seated at the edge of a bed. He was watching shitty cartoons that he came to enjoy. 

"Hi boys. Do you happen to still be in Ohio right now?" Mary's voice carried over the phone.

Dean retracted a bit as he responded, "Yeah. Why?" They had just killed a wraith duo that was terrorizing the folks of an elderly home.

"Got a case for you boys," Mary smiled through the phone as she added on, "I need some help. I'm just outside your neck of the woods so do you mind if I stop by?" 

"Uh - Yeah, come on by. We're at the Pluto Motel, room 206," Sam replied as he glanced up at Dean with a shrug of his shoulders, a smile pulling at his lips.

"Okay, see you boys in a couple of hours," Mary replied and then hung up.

Dean leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he let out a, "Huh." 

\---

It turns out Mary really did need some help. There was a huge vampire nest just a town over. The nest relatively kept to themselves but Mary had intel that they were turning folks of the town. The raid of the nest was messy - about as messy as one would expect from fighting off eleven vampires and trying to cure the newly turned. They all got beaten up in fair amounts. Castiel did his best to heal his three humans, but he wasn't at full power so they still had small injuries. Sam's shirt was damp with blood from both him and the vamps he beheaded. Mary had a split lip. Castiel had a couple of bruises. Dean had a slash through his eyebrow and a black eye. There were also a couple of bruises forming on his jaw because he insisted Castiel spend most of his energy on his brother and mother as per usual.

As they stepped out onto the damp pavement of the motel Dean moaned, "I can't wait to go the fuck to sleep." Mary rose her eyebrows and Dean turned to her with an apologetic look, "Sorry. It hurts." 

Mary shrugged before she gestured, "I'm gonna see if any rooms opened up. See you boys later?" 

Dean nodded as he slowly made his way up to their room. Castiel was instantly by his side, a guiding hand pressing against his back. Dean waved him off, his movements weak but Castiel was insistent. Mary could hear the softness of Castiel's voice as he murmured, " _Careful Dean_." She smiled as she watched them before turning to Sam and nodding. She then turned towards the main lobby of the motel. 

Once they were all up in their room, Dean plopped down on the couch that was far too large to be crammed into the small room with a grunt. He rubbed his forehead and winced when he scraped over the cut. He felt sticky blood on his fingers and he let out a deep sigh. Castiel disappeared into the bathroom before coming back with a damp cloth, his face twisted with worry. He sat down on the dingy coffee table in front of Dean before he gently pressed the cloth to Dean's forehead, earning a hiss. "Sorry," Castiel murmured as he gently dabbed at the wound. "I can probably heal you in the morning…" He thought out loud as he caressed the back of his free fingers over Dean's jaw.

Dean pushed his arm away, pulling from his touch as he grumbled, "Stop fussing Cas. I'm fine."

"But -" Castiel protested.

" _Stop_ Cas," Dean interrupted as he pushed Castiel's hand away. Sam pursed his lips as he watched them from the corner of his eye. "I'm fine just -" he winced again and Castiel gave him a look with the tilt of his head and raised eyebrows. Sam took this as his que to step into the bathroom to quickly change his shirt and give them some privacy.

"At least let me put a band aid on it, Dean," Castiel pleaded, his voice firm as he watched Dean poke at his forehead. Castiel grabbed Dean's hand and grumbled, " _Dean_." 

Dean groaned and grumbled back like a toddler, waving his free hand as he scoffed, "Okay - _Okay_." Dean was feeling a bit passive aggressive. He was so glad to see his mother, but it still bothered him that she just pops up out of nowhere after weeks of no communication.

While Castiel rummaged through Dean's bag for the first aid kit, Dean kicked off his shoes before relaxing further back into the couch. His brain felt jostled and he let out a loud, long groan, "Stupid headache." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he muttered to himself.

Castiel pulled out the first aid kit, pulling open the tabs with a satisfying pop. He peered inside the box before pulling out a butterfly band aid and a bottle of acetaminophen. He walked over to the sink and grabbed one of the complementary glasses, filling it with water. He was hesitant to give Dean water from the tap of this crappy motel, but it was either this or a bottle of beer, and Castiel did not condone taking medication with alcohol. Castiel heard a gentle knock at the door causing him to pause his movements momentarily. He set the glass down and peered through the peephole. Mary stood on the other side so Castiel opened the door. "Hello Mary," Castiel greeted. 

Mary smiled back, "Castiel, can I come in?" 

"Oh - yes, of course," Castiel stepped out of the way before closing the door behind her. 

Mary's gaze drifted to Dean before her eyes flicked back to Castiel as he grabbed the glass of water from the counter. Her gaze fell down to the medical supplies in Castiel's hand and she asked quietly, "I managed to snatch a room… How is he?" 

" _He_ is fine," Dean muttered bitterly from his spot on the couch. He turned towards them, eyeing the bottle of pills in Castiel's hand and making a grabbing motion as he threw his arm over the side of the couch.

Castiel walked over to Dean, grabbing the damp cloth on the way. He let out a sigh as he sat next to Dean. He sat close enough that their thighs rubbed against each other. Dean made a grab for the bottle but Castiel jerked it away. Dean scowled and was about to protest. "First, band aid. Then medicine," Castiel directed as he reached out to set the glass and pill bottle down on the coffee table. Dean whined out a miserable _Cas_ but remained compliant as Castiel gently dabbed at the wound. Dean closed his eyes, pain evident in the crease of his eyebrows. Castiel murmured a quiet, "Sorry," while he pressed the band aid over the cut, wiping away excess blood and dirt from Dean's face. Castiel was acutely aware of Mary Winchester and her watchful eyes as he tended to Dean's wound. He heard the bathroom door open and Sam's heavy footsteps approach. He relaxed a bit as he reached for the medicine, shaking two tablets out of the bottle. Dean snorted and Castiel chided him softly, "Two is the recommended amount." Dean had a habit of taking five or six pills sometimes. He could hear Sam and Mary chat idly. He looked past Dean to see Mary clicking the first aid kit shut as she spoke to Sam. 

"Yeah whatever, gimme," Dean said and grabbed the pills from Castiel's palm before reaching out and grabbing the cup of water. Dean gratefully took the pills before downing the whole glass of water knowing that it would please Castiel. 

Mary turned to Sam and smiled before glancing at the two boys on the couch, "Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. How about some take out before we all get some rest?" 

"That'd be great," Sam sighed out, "Kinda hungry actually. I'll go with?" 

Mary smiled, "Sure Sam! Let's go." She thought about her eldest son. Her mind replayed the way the angel took care of her son. His movements were gentle and ever caring, and it clicked. She could feel it in her bones as she remembered all the odd interactions Dean had with the angel.

The two of them headed out with promises of burgers upon their return, earning a smile and a tired, "Cool," from Dean. 

Castiel was silent as Dean flicked through television channels. His hands were folded neatly in his lap as he remained right at Dean's side. Dean sighed as he nudged Castiel, "Scoot over." 

Castiel did as he was asked, and when Dean motioned for him to scoot all the way to the right side of the couch Castile's expression faltered slightly. He can admit Dean was sometimes childish and difficult to handle, but that didn't make Castiel feel any less bad for having to be tough with him. Dean didn't talk as he offered Castiel a small smile before laying down on the couch. He curled his knees to adjust to the length of the couch while settling his head in Castiel's lap. Castiel bit back a coo as he gently dropped his hand to Dean's hair. He ran his fingers in no distinct pattern through the tiny hairs, careful to avoid touching Dean's forehead as he murmured, "I wish I could heal you now."

Dean ran his fingers over Castiel's slacks, his trench coat having been fanned outward. He drew circles on Castiel's knee as he mumbled, "S'okay. Save your energy for turning the lights on and off."

Castiel looked down at Dean as a chuckle rumbled through his chest. "So that's why you keep me around?" Castiel teased with a smile as he tickled behind Dean's ear. 

Dean shivered as tingles spread through his skull before drifting away to his limbs. He ran his fingers over the seam of Castiel's pants before laughing, "Exactly." Dean was silent for a moment. He could hear the faint sound of music from the TV while he picked at the seam. His movements paused and he closed his eyes before he whispered, "I… appreciate you." 

Castiel's smile widened as he ran his fingers over the smoothly shaved part of Dean's hair. "I love you too," he crooned down at Dean and Dean made a sound of incoherent squeaking before turning in Castiel's lap and burying his face into Castiel's stomach. Castiel hummed softly as he spoke down to Dean, "Very much." He rubbed at Dean's side. "That's why I-"

He was caught off guard when the door clicked open and he heard a faint, " _Oh_." Castiel blinked as he turned to Mary who stood by the kitchen table, bags of food in her hands. Sam appeared behind her with a breathless expression. His eyes apologetic as he met Castiel's gaze. 

Dean felt Castiel stiffen and he felt the nervous twitch of his fingers as Dean too heard the faint rustle of bags. Castiel felt the equivalent of his heart leaping up to his throat and he felt frozen in his spot as he heard Dean mumble, " _Shit_ " into his stomach.

Dean sat up with a grunt, his eyes taking in the situation. He rubbed at them, avoidant of his cut as he heard the bags be set onto the table. He could practically hear the worrisome thoughts from Sam's head and he definitely could feel Castiel beating himself up on the inside for not being more aware, or something. Dean took in a deep breath as he swung his legs off the couch while mumbling in defeat, "Well, that solves that." 

Castiel opened his mouth as he glanced from Mary to Dean before he whispered, " _Dean_." 

"What's um -" Mary opened her mouth before biting at her lips. She settled a hand on her hip as she gestured to all three boys in the room, "What's going on here?" 

Dean blew out a raspberry as he stood with caution. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he mumbled, "Didn't want you to find out like this but…"

"But?" Mary echoed back. Sam shifted next to her. He wasn't prepared to deal with any possible aftermath of this situation.

"Me and Cas… We're..." Dean started as he gestured to a silent Castiel who was now sitting there with his palms resting flat against his thighs. Dean knew Castiel was scared. He was scared for Dean. 

"You're … you're what?" Mary pressed as she stepped closer. Her face seemed void of emotion as she stared at Dean. Dean squirmed as he opened his mouth but he was interrupted by her hopeful tone, "Dating? Right?"

Dean retracted a bit as he stuttered, "I - Yeah?" 

Mary smiled as she turned back to the table to pull boxes of food from the bags. "It was about time, Dean," She glanced around Dean to smile at Cas, "Castiel." 

Castiel shifted, but a smile tugged at his lips. He didn't sense any anger or hatred radiating off her body. Relief gently washed over him and he slouched back into the couch. He was suddenly very tired. "I - what? You don't care? You don't have a prob-" Dean stopped himself short.

Mary looked up at him with such haste as she spoke, "Oh honey, I don't care who you date. I only care about your happiness. Never - I would never-" She reached out for him, pulling him into a tight hug as she murmured, "I want you to be happy, Dean." She pulled away to kiss Dean on the cheek before she beamed, "I will always accept you for you are -" She glanced at all three boys as he heart swelled in this brief moment of familiar bonding, "All of you, I love you." Dean coughed and let out a watery sigh as he hugged her back. 

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and stories. The air was light as Dean joked and squeezed Castiel's shoulder before he destroyed a hamburger. He told stories between mouthfuls of food and Castiel watched him with a fond disgust. Dean seemed lighter as Mary and Sam shared the same enthusiasm. Castiel was dragged into the conversation at some points and he felt incredibly happy as he sat there with his family, his eyes glinting with a newfound happiness.

When it was time for Mary to leave, she gave all the boys hugs and kisses on the cheeks. She caught Castiel off guard as she wrapped her arms around him while whispering, " _Take care of Dean_." 

Castiel eyes twinkled with a smile as he squeezed her back affirmatively, "I will."

\---

That night Castiel lay facing Dean. They were both heavy with relief and exhaustion. The events that unfolded had been unexpected, but in the end it was worth it. Both man and angel felt a huge weight lift from their shoulders. They wouldn't have to walk on eggshells around Mary anymore. Castiel's face was relaxed as he slept next to Dean, his hand holding Dean's in between them. Dean blinked over at Castiel as he took in his sleeping form. He squeezed Castiel's hand as he whispered, " _Cas_?" 

Castiel hummed himself awake as he murmured, his voice thick with sleep, "Dean?" He peeled his eyes open to smile sloppily at Dean before reaching out, "What is it?" He traced the pad of his thumb down Dean's jaw and over his stubble. 

Dean wore a shy smile as he mumbled, "Sorry." His defenses were down and he was sleepy. 

"For what?" Castiel asked softly. His face wasn't creased as it usually was. He looked peaceful in the dim light that shone through the cracks of the blinds. He took to feeling along Dean's jaw and cheekbones, his thumb ghosting over the freckles he's come to adore. 

Dean's lips twitched before he admitted, "For being so paranoid about - well - everything."

" _Oh_ ," Castiel cooed, "Dean, you needn't apologize to me." Dean's eyebrows scrunched together and Castiel let out a soft _tch_ as he rubbed his thumb over Dean's eyebrow, "Dean I have been around for a very long time, longer than you can even imagine. I have seen humans love and hate each other. I have seen chaos and crime. It's only right you be _paranoid_." 

Dean shuddered as he muttered, "Is that supposed to make me feel better? 'cause it isn't." 

Castiel chuckled knowingly, "No, it isn't."

"Then-" Dean's whine was cut off by a sweet kiss to his lips. Castiel has gotten extremely good at kissing, his mouth melding with Dean's. 

Castiel poured immense love into the kiss before he pulled away. Dean was effectively shut up as his cheeks flushed and he squirmed when Castiel dropped his lips to the tip of his nose, leaving a gentle peck there. "I love you, Dean." 

"I -" Dean sputtered just barely above a whisper.

Castiel muffled his laugh as he mused, "Rarely are you this shy, it's endearing." 

Dean gasped quietly with mock offense, "I am not _shy_." 

Castiel's hands found their way under the blankets, his fingers sliding over Dean's ribs and he pulled Dean closer, "I beg to differ, Winchester." 

Dean was silent as he curled his limbs with Castiel's. He pressed his nose against Castiel's exposed collarbone as he mumbled, "You're an ass." Dean felt the vibrations of Castiel's muffled laughter. Dean squeezed Castiel tighter as he kissed the bare skin, his lips lingering as he whispered, " _I love you too_."

Dean felt Castiel's heart lurch and speed up. Castiel made a sound of pleasant surprise as he buried his nose in Dean's hair. Tears brimmed at the edges of his eyes as he squeezed Dean tightly while he let out a breathless, "Good." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are welcomed and I hope you check out my other works :D


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